Never been content in life…have strange thoughts …scary thoughts … living in a world I am don't want to… living for people who just make me sad… there is just one thing I ask for in life… happiness and god … I am growing into someone I don't want to be … I was never so …submissive , coy… giving…something has taken away the roots of my being…I don't even remember what being stubborn means…I don't know what my moods are…I am not myself…. Since when did I become so giving… since when did I change moods for others…since when did I become so undignified and weak …to give into these worldly demands …. Happiness is far from reach…I chase something that I don't know of… I am someone I don't know of….
This is how life has been for me past several months… and this is not what I wanted life to be like…. I never was compromising…now I compromise on my dignity …self respect…. These are characteristics that have failed to exist within me… I have become someone I hate the most… I have become someone who doesn't have a reason to exist…existence itself is futile…
Often get drawn to people who seem ideal, unique in their perspective…. but commitment to my sad being keeps me away from life…. Bounds that hold me so strong are not easy to get rid of…
This is the second time in life , that I ask you to be human enough to be able to shoulder my weeping thoughts…. And tell me what to do in life.... should I or should I not accept changes…. Should I stay committed or should I move on…. Since a little happiness is just bound to trigger my sad thoughts…I can no more be truly happy… I see a chance if I break through …. But I am afraid to take this chance…. I would seem selfish if I do…. I don't know what to do …. I see the rainbow far above …. I am afraid that even if I reach the skies I may just ruin it….
This is the time in life when happiness itself has caused me enough pain. Life has questioned me once again. Where do I stand? In the arms of sadness personified to make up for my past follies or move forward to embrace the unknown change. Life has scared me enough… and now this haunts me.
I know that all things that I am writing seem unclear… but it makes perfect sense to my being. In tears now and always…can I be truly happy? Do I have to be like this? Am I acceptable to anyone even now?
Unanswered questions is all I have always got from life…..
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