One Hell of a Corporate – WePass

This is a story of a twenty something girl named Verub, fresh out of her post grad institute trying to make it happen for her in this corporate called WePass- an event management company. It is based upon her experiences and the trials and tribulations she undergoes while she is working for this corporate. She has two choices to pick from in the end – to sell her soul to the devil, swoon by his wordplay or to find her will to escape all temptations. Which one shall she choose and why?
Pnome – She is the head of the corporate family whose motherly instincts are poisoned by her wilted youth.
Vedil – Guided by his skill of manipulation he ousts every opponent he faces.
Zevil – He works under Vedil but he plays as if he owns the world. He is sharp and knows everyone’s weakness – the basis of all his relationships.
Pebub and Rebub – They are the worker bees of this one hell of a corporate beehive.

It had to end...one way or the other ...

There’s always something one believes in. I believed that that my questions will be answered till the time I learnt that it is sometimes better to forget the questions itself rather than seeking answers. The chase to look for that missing part of my life – things that I always wanted to know, had to end. I knew how it would end but I still tried that it would end and complete my story. I wanted the last laugh. I never stopped chasing and in that process the answers really took off to far away land. This is when I realized that I was still chasing because I had never let go. I had never let go because it was never finished. It was never finished because I wanted it to end my way and it never happened my way because he never gave me an opportunity. My story is unfinished because of him. It the the unfinished that still triggers the chase.

Life Now

It’s been really quiet and stagnant lately and here I am analyzing life with you today. I am missing most of the essentials in my life. I’ll talk about all of them one by one.
Past – It’s all a big screw up and it’s led me to be the person I probably was not destined to be. I am nice but naïve. Honesty puts me away all the time. My tone, my stupid tongue that I should bite often and my calculated or not so calculated words have always put me in a situation that I had to either ignore for life or lock it in the furthest corner of my thoughts. They still manage to wade their way in somehow. It’s too much of a task to put it all away.
Friends – I don’t know how it has happened, but there is nearly no one at present that I can call a Friend. I guess it’s my own doing – changing my circle too often. Cutting people out and wiping them off my life – but they were no good for me anyway. I am better without them than with them. The only good friend I had and I thought would be there for me or I would be there for her has managed to hurt me and cut me off in all respects. Things can never ever be the same between us. This one blow in my life is the biggest and makes me think about all the choices I have made so far.
Education and career – With situations like mine, I have managed to be a post grad from some B-grade institute in some random subject that no one even acknowledges. I have not been able to make my mark in lines of career either. It’s actually been a torture. I have doubts if I ever will make it in the corporate world. I am just plain scared of entering it again. I don’t have any talent or a great hobby that I can or might turn into a living. I don’t have a skill as such. I don’t know what to do. I do need money to have a chance to own a lifestyle. I like a few material things, not many but for anything I do need money. I had been earning enough but I don’t even have a job now.
How much can I crib? Basically, all in all, I have to start from scratch.
The only thing that’s been great lately and which gives me hope that I’ll survive and in fact make good of myself is that I am getting married to the Love of my Life – M. He is everything I’ve desired for – The most loving, caring and sweet smelling person I have ever met. By next year June I hope to get married to him. Thank you God, for giving me a reason and a reason enough to live a blessed and blissful life.

The Book

I might have mentioned it earlier or probably not, that I am in the process of writing a book. I am blogging it as well - Go look for it :).... when you find it...let me know. I have completed the first and most difficult part of the book - the part that was vague in my memories. It's taken a lot of courage, will and commitment to reach to this stage and I am immensely happy about it.

I have a fair draft of what's to come - actually its all handwritten. the next part only involves a lot of devotion and the skill to word something properly that was written in the year 2002.... yeah, its been that long.

It's taken me nearly half a decade to get myself to writing it and it's been more than a decade while I have been co-existing with the situations and experiences that have led me to this story.

Ofcourse, it's a love story - what else could it be and I think its unique too. I'll get back to writing now. I must at least be able to complete the first draft as soon as possible.

Wish me luck ;)

Love on Love for Sale - 50% off for Loners

If I ever hear from the Bastard again....the cause of my last post .... Misery Business... there are several things I would want to say...that is if he comes to me with his "I'll be around" jazz once again... "Are we still friends".....My reply would be a little more than " Fuck you Bastard"

I have already mentioned the fact that I wouldn't be around since he has not been there ....there are some more things that I would like to add if my conscious would allow me to at the right moment...

'I've stopped giving love out unconditionally and for free Mr., and you have been banned for life and are on my block list from now on. The 50% off scheme that you would like to redeem again is no more valid, since the rules of the company have changed and it has been taken over by a much saner person, ME. Also, I would be grateful if you pay back the 2k you owe me as soon as possible. I have stopped giving money to useless charity henceforth.'

Some people are just plain leeches....they suck the life out of you and then leave you.....This one sucked on my finances too .... Have decided to cut this person off from my life....I am done crying for him... He doesn't deserve it .....and I have to treat myself proper from now on.

No more unconditional love for free here....I am not going to take my chances with anyone now....Fuck them all...

Misery Business

How many times so I have to go through this ordeal to understand that people don’t understand me. In tears again, sleepless and pensive. I am done with questioning “why did he/she do that to me ?”.Why do I even let people come so close to me so they have the advantage of hurting me?
Either I am just plain dumb like everyone says I am or I am just too nice for this world to be in. Another act of faith that’s ruthlessly burnt my spirit to ashes. I thought I saw a friend in him. All I got is misery and pain. The same old “fun for a while, pain in the end” kind of deal.
Why can’t I have permanent people in my life? – every single time I have to start anew. Build myself stronger and yet again do I commit the same folly of trusting someone with all my heart. What happens next is what I have in my eyes right now – Tears.
I hope this phoenix will rise and glide again – Only this time stronger, wiser and for much longer – maybe a lifetime.
I am tired and somehow feel incomplete – feelings are all what I am. Life is what I feel. How are people like the way they are? – ruthless and lifeless. Don’t they see life like I do? Don’t they ever think of me like I think they do?
Another stone in their path kicked to the side. And where am I now. Lost again and clueless of what went past me. Deranged and engulfed in sorrows.

Being the ear and the shoulder ...

When sometimes you have a bunch full of your own thorns in life, even if its all flowers you try and avoid company. This weekend I had decided to stay alone and spend some time writing and doing things I like my way. For this I even didn't go out with Ma and Pa to Vaisno Devi. I am not the greatest fan of someone up there called God but I love the trek. I love walking that long stretch up the hill - you return back with aching thighs but a lot more active than what you are at home. At least it works for me.also, it was ma and pa's 30th Anniversary on 13th Dec and I wanted them to be by themselves and explore if there is that little streak of happiness and love left in them. I hope they have.

I fell a little ill on Thu so it was decided that I wouldn't go. To my bad luck Ma called S to stay with me. I have known her for a long time now, like really long, more than 10 years for sure. She is fine to talk to and since her Mum is good friends with Ma our friendship has lasted pretty long. She can be a little mean and is all the time sarcastic. Full of negativity, she can hardly say something positive. She came home with a dump-load of issues to be discussed and out went my peace. I could not write, relax or anything. She was bossing me around and cribbing and all melancholy all the time. I just didn't know what to do.

Even though she is gone now, I am still a little irritated by her ever comparing and envious nature. Maybe I will have my peace once I am leave for Bangalore. I will be meeting M there and staying with him. Its been so long that I have loved and caressed him. So long that I have even kissed him. I miss him every single day that passes by. My ever-growing love for him remains the same though - he is the most amazing person I have known. I love you with all my heart.