It’s been really quiet and stagnant lately and here I am analyzing life with you today. I am missing most of the essentials in my life. I’ll talk about all of them one by one.
Past – It’s all a big screw up and it’s led me to be the person I probably was not destined to be. I am nice but naïve. Honesty puts me away all the time. My tone, my stupid tongue that I should bite often and my calculated or not so calculated words have always put me in a situation that I had to either ignore for life or lock it in the furthest corner of my thoughts. They still manage to wade their way in somehow. It’s too much of a task to put it all away.
Friends – I don’t know how it has happened, but there is nearly no one at present that I can call a Friend. I guess it’s my own doing – changing my circle too often. Cutting people out and wiping them off my life – but they were no good for me anyway. I am better without them than with them. The only good friend I had and I thought would be there for me or I would be there for her has managed to hurt me and cut me off in all respects. Things can never ever be the same between us. This one blow in my life is the biggest and makes me think about all the choices I have made so far.
Education and career – With situations like mine, I have managed to be a post grad from some B-grade institute in some random subject that no one even acknowledges. I have not been able to make my mark in lines of career either. It’s actually been a torture. I have doubts if I ever will make it in the corporate world. I am just plain scared of entering it again. I don’t have any talent or a great hobby that I can or might turn into a living. I don’t have a skill as such. I don’t know what to do. I do need money to have a chance to own a lifestyle. I like a few material things, not many but for anything I do need money. I had been earning enough but I don’t even have a job now.
How much can I crib? Basically, all in all, I have to start from scratch.
The only thing that’s been great lately and which gives me hope that I’ll survive and in fact make good of myself is that I am getting married to the Love of my Life – M. He is everything I’ve desired for – The most loving, caring and sweet smelling person I have ever met. By next year June I hope to get married to him. Thank you God, for giving me a reason and a reason enough to live a blessed and blissful life.
